today

The other day my boyfriend told me that he is only responsible for his daughter, Olivia, and not for me or for Alex. He kept yelling about Alex renting video games (they only cost $10, and we don't get one every week, maybe like every 2 weeks). He even yelled about Alex needing a hair cut and how he shouldn't be paying for it. I just don't understand. And I don't like it, whatever his problem is. If he doesn't love my son, then he doesn't love me.

hello blogging

And so I begin my journey of blogging. It is increasingly difficult for me to use a pen, but I can still type well. Since I cannot write in my journal, I will type in my blog. Still doing the same job, only now with a possible reader of my words. I will take care not to grand-stand or soap-box it... too much. =)

I am at a cross-roads in my life. I have been for some time, but I have merely squatted in a ditch off to the side, avoiding the decision of which way to go. I am paralyzed somehow, unable to get up and help myself. I feel foolish because I know what I have to do, I know how important this is, and yet I cannot make a move. I let everything slip through my fingers. But I'll be damned if I let my children's lives be ruined by me. I'm the one who has to make it work for them! I have to get better! I have to fix myself!

I keep adding details, then deleting them. I can't bring myself to be completely open on here. Not yet anyway.